“How Are You” is Dead: How the A.C.T. Trick Elevates Small Talk to Foster Genuine Connections

By Moon Harper

Dec 19, 2023 02:34 AM EST

"How are you?" has garnered a reputation as one of the least meaningful interpersonal communication. This conventional greeting often lacks authentic curiosity from the person posing the question and elicits responses that tend to stray from accurate emotional disclosure. Consequently, what should be an opportunity for connection becomes a superficial and hollow interaction, leaving both parties with a missed chance for genuine engagement.

A Harvard research suggests asking follow-up questions to make small talk more effective. In over 300 online conversations, they discovered that the other person perceived people who were asked more meaningful follow-up questions beyond the usual "how are you?" or "What do you do?" as likable.

Small Talks are Everywhere

If you work in a regular office, you can interact with your colleagues daily, whether in the hallway, at their desks, in the kitchen, or the cafeteria. Even if you work remotely and connect through video calls or phone check-ins, small talk is likely initially. In American workplaces, getting along with your coworkers is a vital skill. Americans value friendliness and social interaction, so being adept at making small talk demonstrates your interest in your colleagues and helps strengthen work relationships.

Use the A.C.T. Trick Ice Breaker

The A.C.T. trick, encompassing Authenticity, Connection, and a Thoughtful Topic, provides a structured approach to initiating connections beyond mere pleasantries. Let's delve into each element to understand how this trick can be valuable for establishing meaningful interactions.

Authenticity (A)

Authenticity forms the foundation of the A.C.T. trick. When initiating a connection, being genuine and authentic to yourself is crucial. Authenticity involves presenting your true self to others without pretense or artificiality. Being authentic creates an atmosphere of trust and openness, fostering a more sincere and profound connection.

Connection (C)

The 'C' in the A.C.T. trick emphasizes connecting with the person you're engaging with. This goes beyond the superficial and involves finding common ground or shared experiences. Actively listen to the other person, seek to understand their perspective, and identify resonance points. A genuine connection forms the basis for a relationship beyond the initial interaction.

Thoughtful Topic (T)

The 'T' in A.C.T. directs attention to selecting a topic that provides a glimpse into who you are. This involves choosing a conversation starter that goes beyond the mundane and allows the other person to learn more about your interests, values, or experiences. The thoughtful topic should invite engagement and encourage sharing personal insights, contributing to a more enriching and memorable conversation.

The A.C.T. trick is a strategic and intentional approach to starting connections. Incorporating authenticity, establishing a genuine connection, and introducing a thoughtful topic lay the groundwork for conversations that transcend surface-level interactions, fostering more profound and meaningful relationships. In professional or social settings, employing the A.C.T. trick can be valuable for building connections that endure over time.