I love bananas just as much as the next guy. Who doesn't appreciate a fruit that already comes in its own wrapping? Yet no amount of banana-love can explain why a man would go through all the trouble to steal a lone banana. Yet that's what just happened recently, believe it or not.
I know what you're thinking: Which Florida city was victimized by this unusual crime? But for once, such craziness did not take place in what really should be called the crazy state. No, boys and girls, this yellow fruit theft took place in Newington, Connecticut, instead. Are bananas in short supply in Connecticut? Perhaps this thief was a stoner that believed bananas had suddenly been legalized, much like what happened with marijuana in both Colorado and Washington.
And how did this all happen? Well, our genius smashed his car into a Newington gas station, authorities tell us, where this driving-challenged man noticed a banana, which he took the time to eat before leaving that early morning. He took nothing else. Perhaps he was surprised to actually find something healthy in a gas station. After all, nobody goes to gas stations to purchase healthy snacks. Instead, most of us do the exact opposite. If it doesn't have too much grease, too much sugar or too much of both, it simply doesn't belong in a store that mostly sells gas and cigarettes.
Apes love bananas, probably more than humans do, and what this store's surveillance video caught makes you speculate that our Connecticut man just may be part ape, or at the very least, a dead link in the evolutionary chain. This is because our hero backed into the store, over and over again. By doing so, he broke its glass doors and set off a burglar alarm.
One can only hope it was the best darn banana this man ever consumed. Either that or he was hallucinating that the fruit he'd found was actually a Willie Wonka golden ticket.
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