When a coworker approaches, you're at your desk, ready to work. They chat with you for 20 minutes, and afterward, you feel too tired to focus on tasks effectively. Then you've probably fallen prey to an energy vampire.
What are Energy Vampires?
Energy vampires are egotistical, manipulative, or overly talkative people who drain your energy and leave you emotionally exhausted. They often thrive in office environments, so employees should be careful when returning to in-person work, advises Tessa West, a psychology professor at New York University.
Who is the Vampire's Favorite Prey?
Introverts and optimistic individuals are often prime targets for energy vampires, who believe most people are good and won't harm them.
According to West, energy vampires can sense weaknesses and target conflict-averse individuals, easily influenced and uncomfortable confronting them. Energy vampires steer clear of coworkers with strong social networks because those colleagues serve as metaphorical bodyguards.
Signs that Your Colleague may be An "Energy Vampire"
"Energy vampire" is a pop culture term to describe someone who is exhausting and draining. However, California-based clinical psychologist Ryan Howes noted that there's no official diagnosis or specific treatment for energy vampires nor class on energy vampirism taught in school. Still, many of us have encountered them personally and professionally.
Dealing with energy vampires at work can be challenging, but there are effective strategies to overcome them and reclaim your time and energy:
1. Observe How They Make You Feel
Energy vampires don't just exhaust their victims in one way; they use various tactics to drain people's physical and mental energies. According to Howes, they can come in different forms, such as those who ask too many personal questions, always have a negative attitude, or tell endless stories without a clear point. Interactions with energy vampires are more intense, which can even lead to feelings of anger, frustration, or complete depletion.
2. They Never Want a Solution to Their Complaints
Ranger mentioned that energy vampires might also be "help-rejecting complainers." They tend to talk about their problems but reject any solutions or help offered. According to Ranger, they always find reasons solutions won't work, creating a frustrating cycle.
3. They tend to Overshare and Consistently have One-Sided Conversations
Ranger explained that energy vampires are often deeply lonely individuals who lack positive reciprocal connections in their lives, which is why they frequently discuss their problems without realizing how they affect others.
According to Ranger, energy vampires typically don't reciprocate in conversations. They rarely ask about you or show much interest in your well-being, leaving you feeling used up. Ranger explained that their loneliness contributes to this behavior, and they lack awareness because their self-focused conversations feel normal to them.
How to Set Boundaries with an Energy Vampire?
Consider how much you talk compared to how much your colleague shares if you're worried that you might be an energy vampire. Ranger suggests observing your conversation partner's body language and tone. If they consistently respond with one-word answers and show disinterest, it may indicate they're not truly listening to you.
Dealing with an energy vampire at work has a silver lining: you have a clear excuse to end a conversation. Howes says it's simple and understandable to set the boundary by saying, "I need to get back to work." to get the message across to an energy vampire.
