Looking back to geography class, teachers often used maps to show boundaries between states and countries, which are not visible in real life. Yet, people understand and know when to enter another territory.
Similarly, there are no literal barriers that separate us from other people, yet it is important to ensure that they are being set to keep us sane.
What Does Setting Boundaries Mean?
Establishing personal and emotional boundaries helps individuals understand their limits regarding emotional support, requests for help or advice, and expectations on how frequently they have to get in touch.
Types of Boundaries
- Hard boundaries are non-negotiable limits that individuals will not compromise on "make or break" situations.
- On the other hand, soft boundaries are more flexible and involve aspects that can be negotiated or accepted to some extent, similar to wishes or goals.
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Qualities of Healthy Boundary
Before setting boundaries, it is important to understand what healthy boundaries look like in practice and their impact on daily life. Common aspects of healthy boundaries include:
Verbalization
Boundaries reflect what makes individuals comfortable or uncomfortable, which often involves using verbal strategies in clear and concise phrases to express their comfort levels and needs, says Dr. Leela R. Magavi, MD, a psychiatrist and the regional medical director of Community Psychiatry and MindPath Care Centers.
Saying No
Saying no effectively establishes a boundary to protect your time, energy, freedom, values, self-worth, and peace of mind. According to Dr. Kathryn Soule, PhD of Soule Therapy, a boundary is about understanding what you are willing to do, what you are not willing to do, and when to distance yourself rather than controlling others' behavior.
Honesty and Transparency
Honesty is essential for a successful workplace. Maintaining a healthy and productive work environment becomes challenging without transparency and integrity.
Melissa Flint, PsyD, a certified clinical trauma provider and a professor of clinical psychology at Midwestern University in Arizona, says setting boundaries also involves communicating them to others rather than expecting people to intuitively understand one's needs or preferences.
Flexibility
A person with healthy boundaries can adjust them based on the situation to maintain the right level of connection.
Boundaries that are too loose can lead to individuals being taken advantage of, while boundaries that are too strict may push away respectful and caring people, Carla Marie Manly, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist in Sonoma County, California, told Real Simple.
Without boundaries, individuals may feel overwhelmed, stressed, and exhausted, resulting in burnout and physical health issues. They might also struggle with low self-esteem and find it hard to communicate their needs, leading to strained relationships and increased stress.
According to Papyrus, individuals with poor boundaries may feel that expressing their needs is selfish, which can lead to being taken advantage of and entering unhealthy relationships with family, friends, or colleagues. It is important to acknowledge that setting healthy boundaries may be uncomfortable and to be ready for that experience.
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